TRYING OUTSIDE THE LINES

I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore. 

You are fighting for your life – to live and enjoy life. You can so do this.

But it’s difficult. And I’m never going to get it right.

Who EVER gets it right? Perfection is an unattainable standard. God made you perfectly imperfect. 

But I keep screwing it up. It’s like one step forward and two steps back. I can do really well at one thing for everything else to suffer and fall by the wayside.

Remember, the principles we are learning are guides to progress – we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

One mistake = epic fail

Failure = stagnation , giving up, not trying, throwing in the towel …there’s always a next opportunity to do the right thing.

But I am tired. I want this to be done. I want to be fixed. 

If the stone is heavy, put it down and rest a while. But don’t stay down.

If I knew this was going to be my journey, I don’t know that I would have signed on.

Good thing you didn’t know, huh? Are you stronger, braver, smarter, more vulnerable , less judgmental , more empathetic than you were when you began this journey?

Absolutely. Yes. 

So for that, it ’s not been worth it?

I just didn’t know it was going to be this difficult. I didn’t know some things would hurt so much. I didn’t realize that I’d still have to deal with those feelings, only in a healthy way. I didn’t know that feelings would be felt so much more intensely now that I’m not numbing them. I didn’t know that I still wouldn’t feel good about me. Had no idea the amount of fucked-up-ness I’d have to wade through to get to a semblance of healing.

Remember that the death of winter comes before the blooming new life of spring. The cold may not have bothered you, but aren’t you enjoying the glimmer of sunshine?

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