TRYING OUTSIDE THE LINES

I am in the “when” season. The book of John says, “In this world you will have trouble…”, and I am in the “when” you are having trouble time.

The desert. The wilderness. The fire. The flood. The perfect storm of loneliness and lostness, feeling directionless and like I’m drowning, almost hopeless. Constantly looking for the next big, bad thing. Wondering if I’m really exercising faith or just saying the words.

Forty has been a difficult year so far. Many reasons – health, aging, employment (or lack thereof), relationships changing – life. Life in this world will always life. Jesus told us all those years ago that in this world we would have trouble. So the dark night of the soul comes to all; some nights just seem so much longer and darker and quieter and lonelier than others.

I heard someone say that they have never seen a night that wasn’t followed by morning. Jesus told us that too; he said, “Take heart, for I have overcome the world.” I keep hearing Natalie Grant’s song that says the promise was when everything fell, we’d be held. And I am in that when, because it seems like everything is falling.

So what is the promise? One of the promises is in Isaiah 43: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

That is held. That is loved. In the “when,” there are moments that it is difficult to allow that to be enough, for that to be the promise fulfilled. I know that’s not the only promise given, that’s not all that’s in the Father’s heart. But maybe I have to trust this “when” now before being trusted with the others. Grace, today, to trust you, Father.